Three Wizards In A Boat
by A-Hard-Days-Night
Summary: Remus, James, and Sirius in a boat.  What could go wrong?  Everything, of course.  Inspired by Jerome K. Jerome's novel 'Three Men In A Boat'.


_Written in response to a challenge in the LiveJournal community 30minutefics. It was in response to the Book Title Challenge. I took my absolute favourite book as inspiration - _Three Men In A Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog)_ by Jerome K. Jerome. Honestly, it's the funniest book I have read. So witty. So random. Just great._

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

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Remus Lupin sat with slouched shoulders at the back of a small wooden rowboat, sulking. He glared at his two friends, nostrils flaring dangerously. "Tell me why I have wound up in a row boat, in the middle of the lake, with two incompetent fools for company?"

James stopped rowing to exchange a glance of annoyance with Sirius. "We are looking for a water plant, and thankfully, you agreed to help us find it."

"I did no such thing," said Remus. "You dragged me."

"Yes, we do tend to do that, don't we?" said James as he picked up his oars and began rowing once more. Remus snorted as James and Sirius exchanged toothy grins.

"Did you steal this boat from Hagrid?" Remus examined the wood as though he would find a piece of evidence proving it was the same rowboat he had rode in to cross the lake at the beginning of his first year.

"Cheer up, mate, this plant will help us all, even you," said Sirius and leaned back, eying James who was struggling with the oars and was splashing more than he was rowing.

"How," Remus asked pointedly, "will this plant help us?"

"It's a plant to put in a hair potion, my furry friend. Makes your hair shiny. How do you think James and I get all the birds?"

Remus would have liked to say that many of the girls they 'got' were only because of their persistent nagging; instead, he asked, "Why do you need me, then?"

"Because," said James, halting with his 'rowing', "we need someone to go and get it. Last time, we managed to capsize the boat despite our careful planning."

Remus chose his next words very carefully. "What exactly do you need me for?"

Sirius and James exchanged their mischievous grins once again, making Remus cringe. "Like I said, we need someone to go and get it."

Remus groaned. "I do not think I need to be a Seer to know that no good can come of this." He squinted up at the sun that was glaring down at him and cursed it for creating such a nice a sunny day, one that was perfect for a jolly boat trip.

"You see," said Sirius importantly, completely disregarding Remus' words. "It looks very much like the seaweed and it grows underwater, however, it is tinted purple. So what James and I had planned was for you, Remus," he pointed at Remus, "to go underwater, head first, while James and I," he pointed to himself and his devilish accomplice, "keep a hold on your feet so we can yank you up in case we spot the giant squid looking hungrily at your flailing arms."

"Why not use Peter?"

"Hates water," James said gruffly and he grunted as he attempted to row faster. The wind picked up in their favour and propelled the small boat across the vast lake. Remus closed his eyes momentarily as the wind slightly lifted his hair, soothing his scalp. He however forced himself to open them when a small voice in his head reminded him whom he had for company at the present moment.

"We're here," James called as he floated up to an arbitrary spot approximately sixty feet from shore. Remus could see the infamous plant swaying happily in the water below them. Remus scowled crossly at it.

"C'mon, Remus, time for a dip," Sirius quipped, and before Remus had time to react, Sirius had grabbed the smaller boy's torso and James apprehended his ankles.

Sirius forcefully shoved Remus overboard. However, the strong hold on his ankles was gone as both James and Sirius were plunged into the water after him, followed by the two oars, one of which absolutely insisted on smacking Remus upside the head.

The lake water was quite chilly despite the warm sunny day causing Remus to gasp in surprise. Unfortunately, he was submerged at the time of his gasp, causing him to intake a lungful of water in his windpipe. He flapped his limbs helplessly, smacking James and Sirius in the process.

All three students struggled to keep their heads above the water, but had much difficulty for each one's flailing got in the way of the other one's flailing thus, forcing them all to flail even more in order to not drown.

And then they looked down into the murky waters and realized that they were flailing for their lives in three feet of water.

"Brilliant idea, you two," Remus spat as soon as he gulped several gasps of glorious air.

"Did you get it?" James looked rather odd, Remus observed, with his hair weighed down by the water – it looked almost tame.

"Are you serious? You're in the water. You get it," Remus snapped and pulled a water beetle out of his hair. Disgusted, he threw it back in the water.

"Fine," said James and disappeared underwater. He emerged with a fistful of seaweed looking plants.

"I thought you told me the plant was tinted purple?"

James' face fell as he realized the slimy plant he was clutching was actually common seaweed.

"Back in the boat, you two," Sirius ordered and waded his way over to the capsized rowboat.

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_I would really _really_ like someone to edit this other than myself, so if you're willing to do an intense edit that would make my life a living hell, I would really,_ really_ appreciate it. If not, if you have anything constructive to say in your review, please do so and I'd really appreciate that as well._

_Thanks for reading!_

_Dana_


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